Normally, upon waking from a vivid dream, it fades from memory quite quickly. However, I have just woke up suddenly while having a very strange dream and it is still in my memory, so I’m writing it down before it goes. Read on and you’ll see why.
We’re at a large civic hall, possibly Nantwich but it has odd features that the real place lacks. The event is a marriage, not just any marriage but me and my ex getting back together again. Her family keep huddling together for secret discussions while casting furtive glances in my direction.
The best man is my Dad, dressed in a green suit with matching green tie.
The ceremony is delayed and I find myself at a butcher’s stall where there are sausages all over the floor and gammon steaks about 18 inches across.
We’re called back into the hall but she and her family are nowhere to be seen, so we wait for ages and eventually go outside for some fresh air. It is absolutely chucking it down but only feels like a light drizzle on my head.
Dad wanders off leaving me watching a traffic warden putting tickets on cars, two young lads try driving theirs away before they can be ticketed but it won’t start… So the traffic warden helps them to push it.
Then I’m sat at a table waiting for a meal, everyone else goes out for a smoke so I bolt the door of the portacabin I’m left alone in.
All of this before the actual ceremony.
Back to the hall again, I’m sat down as my ex and her entourage enter the room. She makes eye contact briefly before smiling and looking away but the rest of them don’t look at me. As the party passes by one of her bridesmaids plants a big, lipstick smeared, kiss on my cheek.
I have convinced myself that she is going to say no when asked “Do you take this man…?” but the registrar asks me first. I look her straight in the eye and just shake my head.
Cut to outside the hall, I’m feeding treats to the guests’ dogs and look round saying “Where’s the main dog?” – At which point I hear Harvey bark and look round again to see him standing some distance away, looking back at me but not coming to me.
Then I woke up.
As I said in the introduction, a very strange dream. All the more so because I can still remember it clearly some 45 minutes after having awoken. It is an amalgam of things that have hurt over the years.
Dad passed away in 2010.
Since then I have got divorced (messily) and, most recently, lost Harvey a fortnight ago.
Guinness passed away in 2011 but she did not appear in the dream, maybe because that blow was softened by the fact that I had Harvey for solace when she went.
Also absent from the dream were Rhi, Charlie and Mima, probably because I still hold dear the fact that they will be able to see me again once they’re old enough and their mother can no longer stop them from doing so.
It’s quarter to five in the morning. Silly o’clock, but I’m wide awake.